Confrontations Can be Positive!

How well are you and your children hearing each other lately? How about you and your spouse or those at work?   If circumstances feel tense then there is no time like the present to take a step in a direction that will clear the air between you. This will likely involve a confrontation of some sort.

Setting personal boundaries, working out compromises , being truthful about our emotions - if done in a timely and positive way these confrontational types of exchanges can and likely will clear the air between you deeper than it has ever been before.

To do that we must be willing to work at releasing emotional stresses that pop up .  This means that we must in some way consciously work to set boundaries instead of ignoring the situations that arise.

If you feel it Now, then you must work with it Now to use the potential of the moment well.    "Confront" simply means two people with varied opinions or beliefs attempting to bridge.   It does not mean an all out street brawl.   

It may well not end with things settled into any real compromise, but it will end with some better ideas from each side as to how next time to try and bridge if the intent of at least one party is to do that and not simply to dump. Dumping (the street brawl mentality) has given a bad connotation to confrontational energy.   But dumping is not confrontational energy,  it is merely one format of confrontational energy. And one that has been used far too much!

Dive into confrontations - in a positive way.    Don't let opportunities pass by without doing something beyond internalizing or just heavily lamenting your feelings of injustice to those who would listen. Telling our friends can certainly help us ease the pain a bit, but that is not doing something to release the actual stress we feel. To resolve the stress we'll need to address the person who was causing us the distress.  This can be accomplished either within our own thought processes and analyses or with them directly.

Direct dialog is the most auspicious format since there will be a spontaneous flow between you both but if you find face to face talks intimidating, letters can also be very good vehicles.

We either solve our tensions when they arise or we tend to stuff them.     It can be costly to think we will take them out again later when we feel like dealing with the stress - life is a continuum that moves ever onward and we rarely if ever look back at feelings that are uncomfortable. We simply continue to stuff our feelings until one day we cannot stuff our favorite places anymore as they are overloaded. At that point we begin to run the risk of confronting ourselves with these burdens through diseases.

Why can this happen? One of the largest things to understand about confrontations is that they all emanate from some aspect of ourselves that is lacking wholeness somehow.  We really do not want to believe that, especially if we feel like we are on the receiving end of a raw deal (aka feel like a victim) .

We likely will continue to foster the same types of situational confrontations, however, until we begin to think about our confrontations seriously as a pathway to illuminating aspects of less than whole worth within ourselves.   This is exactly where counseling or other types of facilitation can be of such aid if we do not have a wise family member or friend to talk with.

Confrontations are challenges to our psyche and as such they bring information to us if we take the time to explore them and do not run away from them ... it is much like the secret service agencies where information is given on a need to know basis.   Confrontations bring "need to know " information about deeper aspects of ourselves that we may be trying studiously to avoid.

If we can begin to allow ourselves the ability to work with confrontations we will naturally begin to create positive confrontations.   Even more spectacularly, we will also begin to feel like we don't need to create them at all to get to the heart of our heart.

Pertinent questions to ask yourself:   Can you distinguish between Positive confrontations and Negative (aka Dumping) Confrontations? Has someone done something that really burned a hole in your heart lately that you did nothing to formally approach with them? What basic style of confrontation did your parents practice, if any?

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